This weekend is Jason’s birthday. We thought this would be a great opportunity to tell you a little about him and his origins.
Jason was born on May 22, 1945 in occupied Hong Kong. He emigrated with his family to Canada in 1951 at the age of fourteen. Like many pioneers, they made the long and arduous journey in the belly of a wooden ship. His father got the dropsy when they were somewhere in the Pacific, and was buried at sea. However, before tossing his limp, flaccid body overboard, his mother ingeniously yanked out his twenty-two gold teeth. It was with this currency, and many sexual favours, that she paid for the rest of the journey.
She had the misfortune of choosing Wawa as a place to settle, and it was in this town that Jason lived until he was eighteen. His academic career had suffered greatly because of his addiction to opium, and as a drop out, he found himself working at a local blacksmith shop to pay the bills for himself and his syphillic mother. It was here that he was first introduced to the written word, and his mentor, Johnny “Giggles” O’Malley taught him to read.
Literacy opened many doors to Jason. It meant he could finally read street signs and find his way to the bus station. Catching the first Greyhound, he journeyed to London, Ontario where he set up his first bookstore in the basement of the Brunswick Hotel. He specialized in old tax law and out of print municipal handbooks.
One day, the love of his life, Vanessa, walked in looking for a copy of “This Book Sucks” by Beavis and Butthead. He was instantly smitten. This was the beginning of a major life change for Jason. Vanessa guided him away from New Balance sneakers and the bright blue tapered jeans he wore and towards his signature style of looking like an old man since he was twenty years old.
Fortunately, Vanessa shared a similar history of poor life choices so the two of them joined their disastrous lives together, making out passionately in the gross Brunswick Tavern basement…where they also contracted syphilis.
The pair got married by Christopher Walken in 1994 and have since lived in a cave under the Blackfriars Bridge. Today, they have two kids, two dogs, and crippling neuroses.
We hope that this little bit of background into the life of Jason Dickson was enjoyable. Please raise a glass to him this Sunday as he turn 5,367 years old!
With love,
Vanessa and Jason
